We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
