um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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