insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
