i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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