He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
