Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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