your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I smell stomach acid.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
