I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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