I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
