If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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