I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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