I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
