he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
