is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
