the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Drunk is not a location!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
