Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
