is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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