My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
