Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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