i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
