seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
