I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
