You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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