Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
