after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
