I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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