captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
