I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
