I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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