Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
