u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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