Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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