and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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