I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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