i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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