I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
