I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
