: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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