I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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