You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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