The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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