I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
