quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
