ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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