my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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