Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
