So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
