i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
