If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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