i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
