she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
