i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
