She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
