Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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