When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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