My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I believe in your delicious
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
