I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
