my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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