I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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