Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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